I’ve spent the morning in awe. I’ve been sitting at my desk at work in absolute wonderment today. I’ve been beaming, can’t stop laughing, can’t stop smiling. Today has been filled with miracles and I feel so incredibly blessed.
This morning I awoke and decided I will (attempt to) bear weight on my foot and walk. It was hard at first – scary and it hurt tremendously. But after I took the first step, then the second, I found that the third came easier – as well as those that followed. I’m keeping my crutches with me and making sure to not overdo it (which I’m sure the doctor would contest that any amount of weight bearing or walking is overdoing it).
I still haven’t found out if it’s broken – but I don’t really need to. Sometime between Tuesday and now I’ve decided to affirm that it’s not broken – and I’m going with it. I had a healing treatment on Tuesday night – and the practitioner affirmed it was already healing. I’m going with that too.
On to more miracles:
A few months ago, my very close friend and teacher, Nancy – who is also now my realtor, finally decided to take the bait. We had previously talked a few times in which I mentioned to her that I wanted to buy a house, but I was always too nervous to ask her formally to help me find a home – my first home. I was hoping in bringing it up to her that she would offer, but I know that I didn’t have much to offer as far as being a buyer – my credit and finances were an absolute mess! I brought up the house buying thing again to her a few weeks later, discussed my potential setbacks with her, and the next thing I know she was calling me the very next Saturday morning wanting me to go look at houses. Yes!
We’ve looked at a lot of houses (and I do mean a lot of houses). I’ve recognized my pattern of finding the perfect house and then I get my hopes up because I wasn’t quite ready to buy – I still had things to work out financially. Everytime I fell in love with a home, it would go pending and I’d know I had lost it. After I lost my last “perfect home” a couple weeks ago I told myself I was done looking. It’s an emotional roller coaster for me: falling in love with the home I want to spend the rest of my life in, just to have it yanked from me. I hadn’t told her yet, but I wasn’t going to look anymore. When I was finally ready, when the time came and it was meant to be, maybe I would revisit the idea. But I definitely was not up for this roller coaster ride any longer.
The very next Sunday she came to me and said, “I looked at a house yesterday – it had your name written all over it.” I’m pretty sure I gave her the eye roll/sarcastic look I’m known for having and responded in a similar tone, “Oh did you?”
Was. Not. Up. For. It.
She managed to drag me to see it. Truth be told I wasn’t really up for seeing the house. I’m sure there had to be something wrong with it, some reason it wouldn’t be perfect, some reason I wouldn’t like it, some reason it would be just out of my price range – I’m sure there would be something that would keep me from this perfect home that she saw my name written all over. I only went because we have an awesome time hanging out, but I made sure to brace myself so I didn’t set myself up again and have yet another house yanked from me.
Of course, I fell in love with it the first moment I stepped foot into it. It really did have my name written all over it. It was absolutely freaking perfect. It met every single requirement I had for having a home and it was in my price range. Ugh. Here we go again.
Trying not to be overly idealistic as I’m known for doing, I said, “Okay, this is it, I’m affirming it.” The next day she called me and told me it would still be a few months until it’s ready, but the listing agent wants to know when I’m ready- and he dropped the price even more. I told her that this house feels so easy. It feels too easy. And then I’m reminded of when she’s taught me, “There is no order of difficulty for God.”
I’ve done all I could to remain optimistic about this house. I’ve done my best to affirm that it will happen. Sometimes I will slip into doubt, but am quick to catch myself. I’ve taken my kids to see it, my boyfriend to see it and I’ve told each of them, “No negativity. I’m getting this house.” I couldn’t take any chance on jinxing my chance of getting this home, I didn’t need anyone else’s negativity, I was sure I had enough of my own to ruin my chances.
I’m reading a book called E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality by Pam Grout. I happened across it the other evening online and thought I’d read and see what it’s all about. I guess I’ve always known about this concept – I even mentioned it a couple times back when I was writing My Lymphoma Story. Though, somehow, sometime I became bitter, depressed and hopeless and denied any concept that identified me as being a part of God, of All that is, of any Greater Intelligence. I’ve been attending my Center for several months now and even though I usually have a firm foothold (funny, since I fall a lot and am currently injured for not having a firm foothold!) in recognizing God in my everyday life, my tendency is to default back to my atheist viewpoint when life gets overwhelming.
Either way, in the book, the author introduces nine experiments we can do to create our reality. In the first experiment she invites the readers to ask for a sign. A sure sign, that will be beyond any coincidence that God is there listening. Very candidly, we are to tell God that we want a sign – within 48 hours. A sign that Spirit is freely available to us. And so last night, in going with it, putting all faith into it, that is exactly what I did. I was afraid, initially, that I’d be looking too much into the coincidences, that I’d give some petty little thing merit that really didn’t warrant it. I was afraid that, perhaps, at sometime within this 48 hours, I’d resort to desperacy and grasp at whatever I could in order to have my sign.
It only took 15 hours (and at least 8 of those were spent sleeping) to get my sign.
When I was at work this morning, my cell phone rang. I recognized the number as a friend of one of my kids. I was wondering what one of my kids forgot at home that they needed me to bring them at school. This is the norm for them. They leave their badge, their lunch, some homework assignment that is worth 50% of their grade – and I always make it out of my way to make sure I get it to them. I answered the phone thinking they were out of luck this time, I’m not walking any more than I have to with this injured ankle.
Only, today, my daughter was on the other end of the line absolutely ecstatic. She borrowed her friend’s phone and I could tell by the echoing she asked for a pass in the middle of class and was calling from the bathroom. She asked me if I remembered the paintings on the wall of the garage at the house we’re moving to. It took me a couple minutes to mentally switch gears and realize what she was referring to. Once I acknowledged, she proceeded to tell me that she noticed a tattoo that her art teacher has on her ankle and she mentioned to her teacher that her tattoo looks like a painting in the garage of the house we’re going to move into. Her teacher engaged her in conversation about the house, curiosity obviously piqued, and started talking to her about it and where it was located. It finally comes out that her art teacher lived in that house and is the one that painted those pictures on the garage wall.
She told me, “Mom, when we move there, we have to keep the paintings.”
It was my sign. How absolutely “random” is it that my daughter would notice a tattoo on the ankle of her art teacher that matched the paintings on the garage wall of my perfect home that I will be moving into, and that her art teacher is the one that painted them because she lived in that very house? I was speechless, I was beyond words. I was filled, in that very moment, with so much happiness, so much gratitude and felt so incredibly loved.
It’s what Nancy calls a God wink, and that is specifically what I asked for. Give it up to Spirit, give it all up to God. Just give everything up. Surrender. I’m still not completely sure how or when this will happen – when we’ll move into our home. But that’s not my business. All I need to know and remember is that it’s all unfolding perfectly – as long as I don’t stand in the way. As long as I allow God to do God’s work. As long as I remember to have faith.
I am ever so grateful for the knowingness of all of this – grateful for knowing I’m taken care of. I am grateful for my sign.