This morning I awoke gently and easily with the remembrance that I have no work to rush off to and no traffic to be stuck in. I awoke at close to 9am, which is almost unheard of. As I opened my eyes and scanned the room, I thought, “I can just stay here in bed, it’s Saturday. This is great.”
I casually scrolled my Facebook newsfeed and checked my notifications, which is an every morning ritual. I checked my phone to see what I may have missed from my friends and loved ones in the wee hours of the morning. I contemplated getting up to rush over to my local every morning coffee spot and decided it can wait just a bit longer – my caffeine headache won’t hit for another three hours or so.
As I became more awake, the daily demands started to come to mind one by one. Those lingering things that I must, or at very least, really should do, started forming a mental checklist of all that I need to accomplish today. I found myself a slight bit annoyed by this, “Why can’t I just stay here and not do anything? Why must I do anything?”
In remembering our conversation this morning, everything that I must do comes flooding back to me. I have photos to edit, I have paintings to paint, a new website to build that I’ve put off for at least three weeks now, I have a book to work on that I’m writing, I have an Etsy shop to prepare content for, I have a blog post to write. I have a lot of stuff to do.
For a brief moment I meet opposition.
I really just want to stay here and be lazy. But then I remember it is exactly this that I wanted: I want to be creative and busy and successful and have multiple streams of income from my creativity so that I can build a life doing what I love doing. I want to be able to break away from the 8-5 crazy office life and be free to come and go as I choose and doing what I choose, doing what I love.
I have a habit of starting things and then letting them drift off into nothingness. I get so completely wrapped up in newest great idea and then I let my fear, doubt and laziness get the best of me and then, all the sudden, I stop. This is where the path of me being who I want to be while doing what I want to do requires action.
It’s very similar to the conversation I had with my friend a few weeks ago in which she told me, “For someone that is buying a house, you’re not acting like someone that is buying a house.” I realize now that this need to be lazy is just another mode of avoidance. In hiding behind the desire to be lazy, I don’t have to fear the failure and not making it.
I’m not going to make it if I don’t push, if I don’t persist, if I don’t go and get myself out there and do it. I am in a moment of forward momentum and I can’t let it stop now. I cannot let avoidance disguised as laziness get in the way or I’m going to only perpetuate the rut that I’m trying to climb out of.
I must push, I must persist.
I choose again. I choose to take action and continue creating the life I want to live. I push the laziness and avoidance aside knowing I am good enough, strong enough and creative enough to do this. I step into that grander version of myself that calls to me, pushing aside all thoughts of insignificance, incompetence and doubt. I let it all fall away revealing me that I’ve been working so hard to be.
I find excitement in the work I’ll do today. I find joy in knowing today I am one step closer. I find reason to rise and start my day. This is the life I want. It starts right now.