The things I’m still working on, still trying to embrace, still trying to embody: faith and defenselessness. Today I woke in mild panic. Panic over the bills, panic over finances, panic over getting pre-approved this next weekend for the purchase of my new home, panic over upcoming business events, panic over my work week. I find my heart heavy and stomach weak. I’ve spent most of the morning allowing my mind to rule, checking over my accounts, crunching numbers, looking at due dates.
This is all typically normal for me, but sometime this morning, I forgot that I’ve let all that go. I’ve spent this morning trying to figure it all out. I’ve spent this morning forgetting that I don’t have to figure anything out.
After sitting in the details of it all, getting more and more nauseous by the minute, when I remember that I don’t have to do it this way, I turn to Google to find something on faith. I scroll half-way down the page dismissing the first handful of results and come across that which was calling me to it. I find a prayer, “Prayer for faith sublime”. And I find comfort.
“…And I call you into that space now, knowing it is your home and that God has reserved it just for you.
And in this space, I speak my word you so that you might remember always what God has never doubted: the truth of who you are is love. It is oneness. It is this calm knowingness that no matter what is happening, God knows who you really are. I call you now to the remembrance of the name God knows you by. I affirm for you strong faith, clear trust and a space free of doubt. No matter others around you think, I know you have enough faith to carry not only yourself, but all those around you.
Appearances to the contrary cannot faze you, for you recognize they are but fear calling to be brought back to love. And you do that easily and effortlessly. Any time a situation arises that tempts you to forget the truth, you see the hurt child aching to be loved and you place that child back in the arms of Spirit, where the Source swaddles all that is unlike itself back to wholeness. Back in Truth’s arms, faith reigns supreme. Nothing can knock it off its center. And the old patterns, the ones that don’t know how beautiful you are, the ones that forget how powerful you are, fall away. Those old patterns can’t even figure out how they used to run their head games on you, for in love’s presence, they are healed.
And so it is easy for you to have faith. You always remember who you are. You always remember who everyone else is, for in God’s arms the certainty of Truth washes away all doubt, all jealousy, all fear or need to hold on. You allow, you trust, for you know that all is unfolding exactly as it should, exactly as it needs to. I affirm for you, faith always. Love enough for constant healing; ease that permeates all your actions and reactions. Love rules. Oneness rules.
And I am grateful that this is so. I am grateful that you now remember with certainty what God has never doubted – that you are a good, good person. That you are loving, and giving and kind. That your calm certainty is a haven of love for all you come in contact with and in that space, ease flourishes, answers are apparent and love rules the day always, for it could never be otherwise. And for that I am so, so grateful.
And now, I release this prayer. You cannot lose your way, for God leads you. It is done as it was always so. And so it is.”
It wasn’t until after I finished reading it that I realized it was written by my friend, Nancy. How perfect it was to find this. How beautiful that God showed up as her in this very moment.
Today I stand in faith, knowing, as Nancy pointed out, “You allow, you trust, for you know that all is unfolding exactly as it should, exactly as it needs to”. My defenselessness comes in the form of surrender of myself to the workings of God. My defenseless this week comes in the form of knowing that I’m exactly where I need to be, doing precisely what I need to be doing at the exact time I’m meant to. My defenselessness is born of faith that everything is perfect and in divine order.
Perfect God, today I let go. I let go of that which I cannot control, that which would otherwise dampen my spirit. I let go of the need to figure it out and know that Your Mind is at work, bidding and sorting out the details. I am defenseless today, in surrender of myself to You. I humbly accept Your guidance, Your love, Your calm. I am grateful for the realization that I don’t need to crunch numbers, analyze dates or figure anything out. I am grateful to break free from the chains of my limiting mind and unite in Oneness with You. I am grateful that I cannot lose my way, for You lead me. And so it is, amen.